Feeling somewhat broken/tired.. The kind of tired that sleep can’t fix. I don’t know, maybe it has something to do with crying over a sad book in the middle of the night. Today has been an all around rough day. Shortly after I woke up this morning, I found out that my best friend since diapers and her sister, had gone missing (btw, they have been found and they’re safe). No one had heard from them and no one was able to contact them. Obviously I tried to remain calm, but I jumped to the worst conclusions. It was in that moment that I realized how much I appreciated her friendship. I would not be the person that I am today without her. She has stood by me through literally everything I’ve gone through, and today, for a brief second, I imagined my life without her. I honestly don’t know what I would do.. I don’t deal with loss well. I’ve lost people in the past, and to this day, it still haunts me. I think about Anthony ever single day, multiple times a day. I grasp on to my memories of him, the words he said. I play his words over and over in my head, never allowing myself up forget the sound of his voice. The things I would do to actually hear his voice just one more time. To hug him one more time. His T-shirt no longer smells like him, but the memory of him wearing it is still engraved in my brain. I refuse to let that go. I refuse to let him go..
Sorry to anyone who wasted their time reading my little venting session. I’m just really hurting right now. And the following overly used, super cliche quote couldn’t be more accurate right now. “That’s the thing about pain…. It demands to be felt.”